You Win or You Die: Season 7

It’s been over a year since Season 6 concluded, and, finally, Game of Thrones is back. I feel like most of us could not be more anticipatory of the new season after developing and playing Fantasy Thrones. It made each episode viewing even more nerve-wracking. I, too, almost walked out of a window after Tommen, who was on my team, Abominable Snow-Bran, just gave up on us. Debt Payers‘ insane come-from-behind victory was the stuff of legends. We didn’t give out an MVC award (Most Valuable Character), but I have to believe it would’ve gone to Cersei. So yes, we are extremely hyped to start Season 7 and keep this ridiculous game going.

This season, we decided to use a dynasty league format and allow teams to keep two players from their rosters from the previous season. Once everyone chose his or her keepers, the remaining characters were placed back in their respective groups, with a few new additions added to replace those who had died in Season 6.

The draft order was determined by the number of points scored last season. Many-Faced Team scored the least amount of points, so he got the first pick in the draft, going with the consensus number one pick, Lyanna Mormont. A standard snake draft resumed until all teams rostered one character from each of the seven groups. All available characters and their respective groups are shown in the tables below.

House Stark Team Targaryen House Lannister The Old Gods and the New
Grey Worm
The Mountain
Edmure Tully
Jaqen H’ghar
Night King
Aeron Greyjoy
The Hound
Friends Like These The Rebels Defenders of the Realm*
Randyll Tarly
Dickon Tarly
Tycho Nestoris
Robett Glover
Robin Arryn
Euron Greyjoy
Obara Sand
Ellaria Sand
Nymeria Sand
Tyene Sand
Jon Snow
Eddison Tollet
Sam Tarly
Ser Davos
Lyanna Mormont

Characters in italics are new additions for season seven. The characters in bold were kept on their respective teams from last season.
*The category formerly known as The Wall.

As for scoring, there are two recorded stats used, APP (Appearances) and K (Kills).

Throughout an episode, if a character appears onscreen, he or she scores 1 APP point for the episode; so if Tyrion ends up appearing in each episode this season, he would score a total of 7 APP.

K points are awarded to a player when he or she kills another rostered character. For example, if Yara ends up killing her uncle Euron, she would get 1 K point. Also, Yara would take all of the APP points Euron had accrued throughout the season and add those points to her existing APP score, leaving Euron with 0 APP. K points are never lost, so even if Euron had 1 or more K points already, he would not lose those.

If a character is killed by any other means and not by another rostered character, he or she would still lose those APP points and keep the K points.

At the end of the season, whichever team has acquired the most total points (combining APP and K) wins! In case of a tie, here are the tiebreakers:

    1. Whichever team has more characters still alive on their roster
    2. If still tied, whichever team has more K points
    3. If still tied, whichever team has more APP points

Listed below are the new rosters for each of the seven teams. After our draft, we held a press conference to show off our new teams and allow the captains to share their thoughts on the upcoming season and draft strategy.

The Debt Payers – MMDG

House Stark: Meera
Team Targaryen: Tyrion
House Lannister: Cersei
Old Gods & The New: Beric
Friends Like These: Robett Glover
Rebels: Euron Greyjoy
Defenders: Sam Tarly

Worried about what? You’re the champs until somebody takes you down. Cersei and the Debt Payers are in no way giving up this particular crown so easily. All this trash-talking from the pro-Stark media, and you’d think we were the underdogs or something. Fine – you want to bet against us? The Queen and rookie superstar Euron Greyjoy are going to rain down blood on every single team. Yo, Olenna – you thought last season was bad, you whiny old hag? Just wait’ll you see the encore. Oh, and the correct form of address is your Grace. Save some of those Highgarden roses for your gravesite. Next question.

Abominable Snow-Bran – hltchk

House Stark: Bran
Team Targaryen: Grey Worm
House Lannister: Archmaester Marwyn
Old Gods & The New: Melsisandre
Friends Like These: Tycho Nestoris
Rebels: Tyene Sand
Defenders: Jon Snow

Cersei pulling off a full court buzzer beater to win the ‘ship last year was cute, but that ain’t happening again this year. This year, I’ve got a new draft strategy. Might, Magic, and Moneybags baby, the THREE M’s. I’ve got Jon and Greyworm who can throw down with anyone. With Bran and the sexy fire lady on my team, that’s the Three Eyed Raven and the Lord of Light calling plays. Oh and the Moneybags, yeah we got that too. Maester Mayrwyn and Tycho are flush with cash. Tyene Sand rounds out my team with a feisty sand snake. This team is going to be goddamn unstoppable. We’re in an age of superteams, and in the case of Fantasy Thrones, you’re either on a superteam, or you die.

Money for Nothing, Pod for Free – IP

House Stark: Podrick
Team Targaryen: Dany
House Lannister: The Mountain
Old Gods & The New: The Hound
Friends Like These: Randyll Tarly
Rebels: Ellaria Sand
Defenders: Tormund

Y’all sleepin’ on Danaerys Stormborn of House Targaryen. Y’all sleepin’ on the Clegane boys. All y’all do is sleep. No one grabs my boy Randy? That’s stupid. No one wants Ellaria Sand? Hella dumb. Tormund probably is gonna die, but he’ll kill some fools on the way out. Pod gonna die? Nah. Pod is the shit. How’s that for data?

Limb-itless – LDG

House Stark: Benjen
Team Targaryen: Jorah
House Lannister: Ser Jaime
Old Gods & The New: Thoros
Friends Like These: Robin Arryn
Rebels: Yara Greyjoy
Defenders: Ser Davos

I have no patience for this shit-talk. That explosion last season was cute, Cersei, but your reign is over. Limb-itless is out for blood this season with our three returning knights – Jaime, Ser Davos, and Jorah. Jonah may be on his deathbed, but I expect him to rack up some appearance points before that happens. We welcome Yara and the crazy munchkin, Robin (who will definitely be doing some moon door killing this season). I have no idea who Thoros is, but I have strong faith in his abilities. Oh yeah, and Benjen is back, half dead, and ready to party. So bring it chumps; let’s go do some killing.

Masters of Cwnage – lebronald

House Stark: Sansa
Team Targaryen: Daario
House Lannister: Qyburn
Old Gods & The New: Jaqen H’ghar
Friends Like These: Littlefinger
Rebels: Theon Greyjoy
Defenders: Eddison Tollet

All y’all’s forced aggressive barbs are hilarious. Just fronting and it’s painfully obvious. Your rosters are chock full of proud little lords and ladies from privileged homes thinking they know how the game is played. Please. Every single loud patriarch or clever survivor is just a marionette in Littlefinger’s play of the century. He’s seen the moves they’re just beginning to contemplate years ago. They could save themselves years by just sending a raven to the Eyrie asking for advice. He’ll go easy on them in the end. On top of that I got “dearest Shansssha” to round out the hottest power couple in the seven kingdoms. That North is hers. Not that whiny little martyr with parents too ashamed to claim him. The North belongs to Starks. He’s not long for this harsh world anyway. Cwnage got the players way above the gameboard. And it’s all about that end game.

Briennes over Bronn – tyrannofloresrex

House Stark: Brienne
Team Targaryen: Missandei
House Lannister: Bronn
Old Gods & The New: The Night King
Friends Like These: Dickon Tarly
Rebels: Obara Sand
Defenders: Gilly

This is the kind of trash talk I’d expect from a bunch of garbage teams. Briennes over Bronn are back with an improved roster, and the return of our big 3: Brienne, Bronn, and the Night King. We appreciate Le Bronn keeping his talents in Westeros, and we’re grateful to have the Night King keep his killing-potential here for one more season. We welcome Missandei, who like Gilly, offers another opportunity to rack up appearance points with little chance of killing or being killed. I truly believe that as the namesake of Oberon Martell, Obara is THE Sand Snake to own, and I not only expect her to wreak havoc on Cersei’s plans, but survive to the next season. Every team has some cannon fodder, someone who is highly likely to die and contribute nothing, and I couldn’t be happier that BoB was able to sign Dickon Tarly. We hope Dickon can provide some needed levity and clutch appearances to our team, and in the locker room, teammates are already calling him “Swaggy Dick”. Some may look at our lineup and see a bunch of second-tier fan favorites with no championship potential, but what this organization sees is a group of characters with high kill/appearance potential and a relatively low mortality rate. Where some teams have too much debt, too many faces, or not enough limbs, Briennes Over Bronn has everything in all the right places. See you bozos at the Iron Throne.

Many-Faced Team – meanoldpig

House Stark: Arya
Team Targaryen: Varys
House Lannister: Edmure Tully
Old Gods & The New: Aeron Greyjoy
Friends Like These: Olenna Tyrell
Rebels: Nymeria Sand
Defenders: Lyanna Mormont

My team and I are both fueled by revenge. No one escapes Westeros with their deeds left unpunished and now is the time for everyone to pay. Only fodder my team has is one of the Sand Snakes but she will serve right. The Queen thinks she picked up something good with Euron but he’s nothing more than a glorified placeholder. Blood is coming this season and I am going to bathe in my enemies.


Scorecard: Episode 1